i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
