Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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