I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
ugly people sure do ruin things
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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