Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
