dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
