i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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