This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
