going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
