he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
