That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
