It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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