Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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