some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
