I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
a search helicopter?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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