I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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