So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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