I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Couch. On fire.
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