how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
