I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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