Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
