She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
high people should be assigned attendants
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
