Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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