all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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