I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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