your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
