doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
