Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
