Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
