Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
