Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
