i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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