I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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