Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
