Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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