dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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