i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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