flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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