I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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