Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
