The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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