Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
