If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
