i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
