I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
