I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
