4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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