my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize