Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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