Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
