She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
