Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
