You really coming over, don't trick.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
