Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Quick, to the slutcave!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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