so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
