my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
