I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
