Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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