just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
