my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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