plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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