He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
