Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
