Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Houston, we have a squirter
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
