I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
