Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
