guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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