Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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