Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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