i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize