I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
