Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
