her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
