I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
