I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
