I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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