I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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