it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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