JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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