I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
