You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
