My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize