I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
