It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
