So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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