Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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