I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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