Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize