i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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