bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
