they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
