when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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