I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize