I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
