I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
