My first STD was from a foam party
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
