Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
