In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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